Leah Farmer

Personal perspectives on faith, literature, and life.

31 Days of Self Love: Compliments

31 Days of Self Love

Day 4: What is a compliment that you struggle to accept about yourself? 

Tell me I’m smart.

Tell me I’m a good leader.

Tell me I’m a good listener.

Mention my great hair.

I can believe all of those without hesitation.

But God help us both if you tell me I’m sexy. I fall off the cliff and you may be standing on the edge wondering why I jumped.

These words…”You are sexy”…have been said to me many times in 43 years of living. And every time I’m surprised as fuck to hear it. Even though I know moments earlier I had been in full on seduction mode and trying to BE sexy, it turns out that when it works I am so fucking shocked that I am pretty sure that the other person is lying.

The last time this was said to me I literally slapped the hand away that was caressing my leg and said “Don’t say that.” To which he replied “I will say it again and again.”

Sitting up, I pulled the covers to my chin and felt a sense of vulnerability that was soul crushing. I’d been in my body. Enjoying my body. Enjoying his enjoyment of my body. As long as there weren’t words. But words ruined it for me.

When I could finally express this he said “I can show you without words. I’m better off since English isn’t my expertise. But you love words.” As he moved closer to unwind the covers from my fingers he said “You need to get over this. But not tonight.”

Sexy.

Sexy.

Sexy.

Even typing it makes my stomach clench. And yet…every single adult human has the capacity to be sexy.

How about these synonyms…exciting, alluring, seductive, appealing, inviting, tantilizing, tempting, and the list goes on.

Sexy.

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