Leah Farmer

Personal perspectives on faith, literature, and life.

31 Days of Self Love: I Deserve

31 Days of Self Love

Day 21: What is something you are working on that you believe you deserve? 

I grew up with a worldview that said humans deserved nothing. We were wretched sinners and were just lucky to be breathing. It was all about God’s mercy and it was damaging to my little girl heart.

The damage was done because I was talented. I was smart, funny, and creative. And over time the constant programming about who I am took it’s toll on me. The worst part being that my neurological wiring set it self up in a way that said “You are just fortunate that this is working out. The other shoe will drop at any minute. You will probably be homeless with no friends someday and that will be what you deserve.”

What the fuck?

Over the years, I rewired the majority of that faulty system such that I believe once again that I am smart, funny, and creative. I always was. And while perhaps that doesn’t make me deserving of anything, it is my very own talent and my very own method to get what I want.

To that end, I am working to make more time for the things I love. I am making more time to create. To write. To dream. To plan the future. To invent. To collaborate with my co-creators. To plug into the community of women that give me strength and hope for what is to come.

I deserve that.

I deserve this community. I deserve to create. I deserve hours spent on things that don’t make money for other people. I deserve to bring peace to my brain as I move and act on the things that are brewing inside of me. It is a worthy endeavor and I deserve to make it happen.

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