Leah Farmer

Personal perspectives on faith, literature, and life.

31 Days of Self Love: Limiting Belief

31 Days of Self Love

Day 2: Get rid of a limiting belief you have about yourself or your abilities

My limiting belief is that I don’t trust myself.

From an early age I believed I wasn’t trustworthy. I couldn’t possibly know the right next thing to do without checking with the Bible, a mentor, or a parent. I was “just a girl” and I didn’t know much. There was always this certainty of being able to do right or wrong. There was no room for grey. And so, I needed the validation of something or someone else before I could make a move.

I suffer from this much less now because every day all day long I have to make decisions. There is no time for validation or checking in to see what the Magic 8 Ball says I should do. Instead I have had to learn to take risks that I could be wrong.

And sometimes even without any validation I move myself across the globe to live in another country. And some days I’m like “Who the hell said you could do that?”

Not trusting myself has looked like trying to find the adult in the room who could make the decision…and then realizing I was the adult. (We’re fucked!)

Not trusting myself looks like being certain that someone is mistreating me and spending all my energy questioning what I did to deserve it rather than telling that person to go to hell.

Not trusting myself looks like the cold hard fear of annihilation that sometimes causes me to try to figure out which bridge would be the best bridge to live under when I lose my mind and stop being able to take care of myself.

So what do I do?

Every single day I remind myself that I am trustworthy. That I am a good friend, a good sister, a good boss. I remind myself that (so far) none of my decisions have caused the world to stop spinning or even cost anyone millions of dollars…and Lord knows I’ve had the opportunity. I remind myself that I am the adult in the room more often than not and that the reason they all look at me to see what I think is because I am able to make sound decisions with good data and solid intuition.

I can be trusted.

I can trust myself.

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