The truth is…this is the crunchy hard part of this experience for me. It’s where the number of things that need doing, and the people that I want to see and spend time with, start to pile up and the time begins to slip away more and more quickly. (Oh…is that what that lady meant about “…sands through the hour glass”? My childhood of watching soap operas just got clearer!)
The crunchy time is also usually when I learn the most about myself. For instance:
- I’m still a control freak. I am METICULOUS about details and have list after list after list. Each list is also embedded in my brain and I cycle through bullet by bullet several times an hour, each day
- I am not in control. Yup…these two first bullets make me feel crazy. I want to control everything and know how very little I can control. Chaos is my arch enemy and I try to wrestle it into submission with lists and organization. And still he rears his ugly head from time to time and reminds me of his ability to shit all over my best laid plans
- Sleep and good nutrition are essential…and often the first things to go by the wayside
- I cry at the most ridiculous things and often at the most inopportune moments. SaturdayI cried while on the phone with the airline when the women told me I’d have to call back Monday…even though I knew she would tell me that. Yesterday I cried because my hair dresser didn’t get all the dye off my forehead. Last night I laid in bed and cried because Malcolm was meowing. The emotions are fluid. Tears come with laughter and at moments that are seemingly benign
- In the face of everyone else’s emotions, I go stone cold. I don’t mean to. I just do. I’m trying harder to let people have their own feelings, accept the impact on my own, and stay present as we all go through this change. But my first reaction is to be an ice princess…and that leaves a wake of befuddled loved ones who are used to a very different and very emotionally engaged Leah
- I’m powerful, strong, and certain. Even in the midst of the emotion, confusion, and exhaustion…I know that I am courageous and that there is power and validity in my experience of this move. That is my favorite part of the crunchy time.
I will write more later. For now, I need to either take a nap, pack a box, or pet a cat. Here’s hoping I don’t pack a cat and pet a box accidentally.
Did I mention how tired I am? 🙂