Each year as I move from the Christmas holidays into the New Year, I try to settle on a single word as my theme for the year. I have focused on Joy. I have been Enough. I have followed by Heart. But this year, I couldn’t find the one word. So I waited.
I’m in the midst of a lot of change and giving myself some room to end old cycles and start new. I am literally seeing about 5 years of personal work come to a fruitful end as I move into new cycle of change and creativity. I am also in the midst of a career shift that is exciting and necessary…but laced with grief at leaving my team and disappointment at what I’d hoped would happen. I am moving out of a cycle of old thoughts and emotions when it comes to romantic love and making space for allowing someone new into my life.
So many endings.
So many beginnings.
I turn…as I often do in these moments to William Bridges Transition Model (Thanks for the reminder Ali!). He talks about the season between endings and new beginnings as the neutral zone. January has been my neutral zone as these cycles end and I start new.
This week as I found myself whispering “Breathe” as I felt stressed about one thing or another. I have for a very long time said the phrase “Everyone take a breath” during conflict moments at work. As a Doula, I aided soon-to-be new mothers by instructing them when and how to breathe.
Even more importantly, I have gotten through some of the roughest moments in my life by reminding myself that I can survive most things by closing my eyes and taking a deep breath until I’m able to move through whatever is going on.
My word for 2020 is Breathe.
I will breathe through the fear of new beginnings. I will breathe through reinventing my yoga practice. I will breathe through moments of meeting new people and pushing my introvert boundaries to the edge. I will breathe when the magic that is in me wants to shine and I will let it come on through. I will breathe through my meditation practice and through the overwhelm of homework for graduate school and through rough feedback sessions.
I will inhale beauty, desire, goodness, compassion, and love.
I will exhale bullshit, fear, apathy, and the desire to hide.