I do love the 1st day of every month…and not just because it’s pay day. I love new starts and I desperately needed one. August 1st symbolized that for me.
Today I had old feelings come at me. Feelings of inadequacy and fear. Old old shit that surfaces when I’m challenged to look at myself and my deep flaws. And I mourned a little. Knowing that in some of these areas I’m not likely to ever truly change…and this will mean that for some people I remain far too flawed. And that is also worth a momentary mourn. I’m grateful for cutting through this shit instead of internalizing it and carrying it.
Following my mournful moment…and maybe in the midst of it…I talked to Marilyn on the phone. I cried. I was sad. And before it was all over I was reminded that I’m okay and there was laughter. My friend helped me find that space and for that I’m grateful.