Leah Farmer

Personal perspectives on faith, literature, and life.

Listening

A while back I decided to take a break from dating. Then I dated someone great and hurt him…because my body and I were not ready to be dating. So I stopped.

Then someone said “You should date this guy I know.” So I went out with him. And despite his being a decent guy, the rest of me said “What the hell are we doing? We don’t want this.” Then I stopped again.

Here’s the thing…why am I not listening to my own flesh and blood on this? Why do I keep seeking something that my body, spirit, and mind are definitely not prepared for right now?

I’m lonely. I miss affection. I desire that bond and connection. I finally have a job that affords me enough time to date and make time for someone new in my life.

And yet…I am in personal transition. In the past I’ve ignored these warning signs and I can point to those seasons as some of the most treacherous times in my relationship history. Times when I’ve fallen too hard, too fast, with too much at stake and subsequently broken my own heart and the hearts of others.

So I don’t know what the future holds…but I know that today holds no room for romance. Maybe tomorrow…or the next day…or the day after.

In the meantime, the single men of Seattle are safe from my treachery.

So there you go Body…I’m listening. Hope you are right about this!

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