“God keeps giving, forgiving, and inviting us back. My friend Tom says that this is a scandal and that God has no common sense. God doesn’t say ‘I have had it this time. You have taken this course four times and you flunked again. What a joke.’ We get to keep starting over. Lives change, sometimes quickly, but usually slowly.”
As I read this I was struck first by the fact that there are some lessons that I just keep having to learn…over and over. Like keeping my own counsel (aka not bringing other folks down). Or assuming the best intent with I think someone is acting like a jerk. Another good one is not believing in my own invisibility…I’ve been learning that one since I was 6. 30 years and I sometimes I still forget that I’m valuable, seen, loved, and important…and so I can stop acting out and being a brat? Seriously? 30 freaking years?
It is a good thing God doesn’t throw in the towel on us. It is a good thing that he doesn’t have any “common sense”. I need a God bigger than the ghosts from my past…tougher than my old scar tissue…and more generous than the most giving of the Forbes 100 richest people. I need a God who is a philanthropist…a kick-ass philanthropist (for you lovers of Seinfeld).
Anne’s friend Tom is right…God is scandalous.
I want to be scandalous like God. Someone who others look at and say “She has no common sense when it comes to loving other people. She doesn’t have very good criteria and she gives them so much space to be themselves. I don’t know how she manages to not get walked all over but still offers love unconditionally. I don’t understand why she just let’s people be themselves around her and doesn’t demand they follow the rules.”
I’m not there…but I’m working on it. The only way for me to do that is to turn fear away at the door. Fear of being mistreated, fear of being hurt, fear of not getting what I need, fear of being taken advantage of, fear of my own anger, fear of not following the rules. I have to believe that love is big enough to win and that God cares enough to bring me through whatever storm hits when I’m acting scandalously on his behalf.
God I believe…help me in my unbelief!