The aim of this work is not self-loathing. The aim of this work is truth-seeing it, owning it, and figuring out what to do with it.
This week of reflection has been hard but good. I do better recognize where I have considered myself one of the “good” white people. I also have language and understanding now of how the ways I have been harmed by patriarchy and by sexual assault are not discounted simply by also admitting that there has been white privilege in my life. The patriarchy and those who have assaulted me did NOT also harm me because of my skin color. And I am sure I have avoided more pain and judgement and being held back simply because of the color of my skin.
I want to be a “good” ally. But as we’ve worked through this week I realize it is more important that I be an HONEST ally. To do so means uncovering the ugliness that lies in my heart and laying it bare. Being willing to admit that there are things I believe that are just part of my thinking process. This isn’t easy, but it is so necessary. For the sake of shifting the privilege so that we all benefit from being treated humanely, seen as important, and having opportunities.
I’ll do better. I must do better.