“Sometimes people think that calling on God means inviting a force into our lives that will make everything rosy. The truth is, it means inviting everything into our lives that will force us to grow—and growth can be messy. The purpose of life is to grow into our perfection. Once we call on God, everything that could anger us is on the way. Why? Because the place where we go into anger instead of love is our wall. Any situation that pushes our buttons is a situation where we don’t yet have the capacity to be unconditionally loving. It’s the Holy Spirit’s job to draw our attention to that, and to help us move beyond that point.”
I am going through a growth spurt. Well…I’m not getting taller but I’m experiencing the messy growing pains of inviting the force that is God into my life. The Divine doesn’t mess around when given room to redesign you from the inside out. She is not a “slap some new paint on that mess and call it a day” kind of God. Instead God tends to do demolition first…taking you down to the beams and foundation. Only when you are able to see what you are made of…what is hiding under the clothes, makeup, and polish that we each take into the world every day…will God start to do reconstruction.
I’ve had this rework done more than once in my life but I think I shut down the job site before God could get to the bones of this house. Not this time. This time I’ve determined to stay the course. To let the one who created me, do some recreating. More likely it is a work of taking me back to the original finish. Over the years I’ve put up some shitty wood paneling and some ugly shag carpet. But what God knows, that no one else knows, is that when you pull that crap up there are gorgeous floors and walls that will shine through with some work.
I’m not at unconditional love yet. I still get angry when I feel invisible or not heard. I find it a struggle to show respect to a person who I feel doesn’t respect me. I can be mean spirited and say hateful things with a laugh. I struggle to let go of hurts when they come from people who I believed loved me.
I want enlightenment…and a loving spirit…and to release that positive energy flow into the world. I know the only way to get there is to release myself to the work of the Best Interior Designer in the universe.
Holy Spirit…come do your work.