Leah Farmer

Personal perspectives on faith, literature, and life.

The Gifts of Imperfection–Week 1, Saturday

Here’s what is truly at the heart of wholeheartedness: Worthy now, not if, not when, we’re worthy of love and belonging now. Right this minute. As is.– Dr. Brene Brown, The Gifts of Imperfection

Now.

As is.

Right this minute.

Worthy now, as is, and right this minute.

Whoosh <head spinning>

Do I believe this about my loved ones? Oh yes. When I think about Zachary or Jacob or Sierra, there is nothing they are lacking that they need in order for me to believe that they are worthy of my love. They just have it. I can also apply this to my friends. I am strangely surrounded by people who are just plain worthy of love..right now…as is…right this minute. I even believe this to be true of some people that I don’t like or who I believe have bad motives and wounded hearts.

And yet…I am always hustling (to use Brene’s word) for worthiness. I often think of the “one more thing” I could do so that I’d feel worthy or be worthy of love, acceptance, and belonging.

But what a complete crock of horseshit (said with the Georgia twang my sister and I use when we say this word a la Jessica Lang in that scary movie where she is Gwyneth Paltrow’s insane mother-in-law).

Not only am I WORTHY of love, acceptance, and belonging…I AM loved, accepted, and belong.

Sure it’s harder to feel that way day in and day out in Seattle. But guess what…I have friends here…people who invite me to things. People who like me. People who go out of their way to include me. And almost daily someone makes sure I feel like I belong. I am blessed beyond measure to have drawn some lovely people to me and to have been drawn to lovely people in return.

I’m remembering…and being reminded specifically by Martha Beck…about some people’s power to draw others to them. Those of us with this crazy mystical ability draw the bad and the good. We draw those who would try (and sometimes succeed) to victimize us and put us low. And we draw hearts of purity, love, devotion, friendship, and spiritual depth to us over and over if we stay open.

Yes…I’ve done the former. I’ve drawn the assholes, the abusers, and the haters (funny a former boss’ face just popped into my mind after years of not thinking of her)…because they desire to overtake and control someone with this sort of energy.

But even more frequently we draw (and are drawn) those who can be healing friends (Nicole, Jhana, Carol, etc.) and those who need us to help them heal or press through something holding them back and those who are just curious about us in a “I like the animals at the zoo” kind of way. All of those people are harmless and have good intent. And I’m fortunate to have them in my life.

So guess what…I am imperfect…and I am enough. And also I am worthy now…right this minute…as is. And I am also grateful now…right this minute…as is.

xoxoxo to you Lovelies

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