I was sad. No. Like really sad. So sad that getting out of bed each day felt Herculean. So sad that my physical body began to feel pain…joint pain, stiffness, sore spots, itchy skin. So sad that I rejected human touch and shied away from anyone standing too close to me. The kind of sad […]
Go so far away that you stop being afraid of not coming back. –Eve Ensler I’ve been working on fear. Well…let me be a little more honest. I’ve been more aware of fear. I know it when I see it. I can feel it take up residence in my chest, my throat, my stomach at […]
“What are you afraid will happen if you get really angry? What is at the root of the fear?” said Ali the therapist. “If I’m honest I only believe anger can be expressed in two ways. I know there must be more but I only know of two.” I hold up one and then another […]
These past couple months have been heartbreaking. Soulbreaking Spiritbreaking Mindbreaking And I’ve held on. Sometimes lightly with a goal of losing my grip. Sometimes tightly in hopes of making a comeback. But I’ve held on. Hell…I’m still holding on. But fuck if it didn’t take courage to hang on with all these cracks and gaps […]
I did another 5K this morning. My 3rd in the last 2 months. PTSD made it harder. Every step felt harder Because I didn’t want to go be around all the people Because my body wasn’t prepared because the illness has beaten back my desire to workout these last few weeks Because my mind wasn’t […]
Way down deep, we’re all motivated by the same urges. Cats have the courage to live by them. —Jim Davis (cartoonist, Garfield) I have been given these two little furry souls (yes, they have souls) to care for, to feed, to love. And I am grateful. Malcolm came into my life in the months leading […]
I spent two different evenings this week with my amazing therapist Ali. And as I walked out tonight after our session, it occurred to me that despite how far we’ve come, we have done a significant disservice in some circles to those who need someone objective and trained to talk to about the issues all […]
Let’s face it, PTSD is hard. All the words are even hard…POST TRAUMATIC STRESS DISORDER. Those are seriously shitty words. Put them together and FEEL them, and they get even shittier. But here is something different this time around in my life. Even though I’m struggling…even though I’m sad…even though my crying jags are totally […]
**Thank you for the inspiration behind this Nicole** I am… funny and witty and a fast draw with a comeback kind and tender hearted to the marginalized and those I love fierce when it comes to those who hurt my family and friends…and should you be brave enough to come for one of my nieces […]
The thing about PTSD is that it doesn’t give two shits about your justification for choosing to be in a toxic environment or your inability to give up on people or your fear of failure. PTSD is coming to “protect” you no matter what reasons you give it for not needing its intervention. PTSD is […]