I’m going to the gym several days a week. Taking walks in the evenings. My multi-vitamin regimen get taken every day (probably because they are gummi and I love a gummi). I’m drinking smoothies. Eating really clean. Drinking lots of water. Following a skin care plan. Seeing a mental health care profession, a massage therapist, and acupuncturist. I’m praying daily with my prayer partner and trying to be mindful and present in each day. Hell, I even floss daily.. So you know…taking decent care of myself.
And then today as I left for work, I fell down half a flight of stairs and really did a number on my ankle and knee.
What actually happened is that I was carrying too much stuff, wearing socks (because I leave shoes in the entryway), and the cat ran between my ankles and my left foot missed the next step. As I went down onto my ass, my left foot stayed on the stair it was on…and my leg bent completely back underneath me as I fell, my foot twisting awkwardly in the wrong direction.
As I went down I honestly thought…I’m going to break something. I sat on the steps and moaned because it fucking hurt. And the cats both stared at me…having never heard me make that particular sound. And as I finally got up to try to go on to work, I realized…there’s not going to be any walking around going on today. So I eventually took myself back up the stairs and began the ice, ibuprofen, elevation, etc. program.
As I sat, bemoaning my circumstances, a voice in my head said “This is unfair. You’ve been trying so hard. Just have a snack.” But what I didn’t do was have a snack. Instead I stuck to the plan.
Sure I don’t know what exercise is going to look like over the next few days…which is all the more reason to have my food choices under control. Also, I am no longer a slave to that voice…the one that says I should sooth myself by doing self-destructive things. She no longer runs this show. I’m in charge now so shush.
More importantly…I didn’t numb out, veg out, space out, or lose myself. I remained present. I was able to be thankful many times today for the sprain rather than a break. I was able to be present in the work phone calls that needed my attention and as I wrote several peer evaluations for my coworkers. I was able to live in the moment when my kitties came in periodically though out the day to get scratches or find a warm spot on the bed next to me to sleep for a bit.
Storms come and go. Health is capricious. Accidents happen. Sometimes your ass falls down some stairs and things change.
Live today. This moment. Right now.